


This Is Cable Television

by jokocraft



Category: Gintama
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 16:43:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13528389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jokocraft/pseuds/jokocraft
Summary: Gintama is moved to a new network, and its characters can take new liberties.





	This Is Cable Television

Sweat was dripping down his neck and chest. Hair was sticking to his face. His eyes were screwed shut as he rocked faster into the man on all fours in front of him. 

Gintoki gripped the man’s waist mercilessly, doubtlessly leaving marks, but he didn’t think about that. All he could think about was about not holding back. Not holding back. Hijikata got as good as he gave, and Gintoki was no different; they’d learned that much about each other over their frequent, heated encounters. On HBO, they didn’t have to stop at sexual tension. Or pixelation.

Gintoki thrust harder, reaching his end, trying not to moan as he did. Not holding back didn’t extend to emotions, of course; it wouldn’t do for Hijikata to know how much he was enjoying this. Although he knew there was irony in the fact that he knew Hijikata was doing the same thing, and so Hijikata probably could see straight through him, too, and so really, there was no point in holding back at all. But nevertheless.

His eyes closed voluntarily as he hit a good stride, but he made an effort to open them again because the view was too good not to look at. Ever since Gintama had been picked up by America’s most famous and infamous cable channel, Gintoki had been allowed to let his dirty thoughts run more rampant than ever. As it happened, thoughts about what Hijikata looked like naked took a top spot in the tallies of what he got off to when he was on and off air.

It wasn’t like he was thinking about Hijikata on purpose when he had some alone time…but a lot of the time things popped into his head on their own, and Gintoki was never one to repress his sexual urges. Sure, it had been slightly disturbing to discover that the heart’s desire of his dick that been a moron in the Shinsengumi all along, but…it was what it was, and what made him come hardest made him come hardest.

“Hurry up,” rasped Hijikata. He sounded wrecked—as he very well should be with how much effort Gintoki was putting into this—and that was enough for Gintoki to hurry up. And as they did so many other things in sync…

When the haze lifted, Gintoki pulled out and fell over on the bed. He remembered to breathe. 

He knew he wasn’t supposed to, but he looked up at the little camera in the corner of the hotel room anyway. “Bet they liked that,” he muttered.

“They better. Do you have any idea how big Sougo’s bonus was for having sex with that look-alike of—” 

“Shut the fuck up,” Gintoki said, although he struggled to put any heat behind the words. 

“For the thousandth time, she’s _of age_ now.” 

“I _know_ …” Gintoki sighed. “But _still_. You suck at pillow talk.” 

“Me? You suck twice as much.” 

“Yeah, I do, since you’re always to exhausted to reciprocate.” 

“Shut up. Stop flattering yourself.” 

Gintoki glanced over at Hijikata, but Hijikata had his eyes closed. Gintoki looked back at the ceiling. 

“You don’t know me. And I want reciprocation sometimes, asshole. I don’t run a charity for guys like you who can’t get a girlfriend.” 

“I don’t want—”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re true love’s gone. We all watched those sickly sweet episodes.” 

“Spicy,” Hijikata said. “Not sweet. She didn’t care for sweet things.” 

Gintoki glared. “Just when we all think you can’t get dumber, you do.” 

“Pot, kettle,” Hijikata mumbled into the sheets. 

“No,” Gintoki said, turning over and giving into the urge to press himself against Hijikata’s back. “For me, I’m dumb most of the time, but when I’m smart, I’m really smart. For you, you’re smart most of the time— _in theory_ —but when you’re dumb, you’re really fucking dumb.” 

“I have a feeling that you really like not getting censored.” 

“I really fuckin’ like it, yeah. Shitface.” He didn’t think about how his words were completely belayed by how he was absently nuzzling the side of Hijikata’s neck.

Hijikata let out a long suffering sigh, and it pissed Gintoki off, so he reached around to grab Hijikata’s dick. He grinned at the resulting full-body wince.

“Don’t complain,” Gintoki said. “There’s no way we’re not getting bigger bonuses than your twerp subordinate this year.”

“Wrong.”

Gintoki blinked. “Huh?” 

“We won’t get bigger bonuses. Not enough backstory.” 

Gintoki sat up instantly. “What? Are you serious?” 

Hijikata rolled onto his back to give him a zero-fucks-given stare.

“What the fuck,” Gintoki said. “It was only that _one time_ that we were thrown in a room with our hands cuffed and banged it out because Sougo wouldn’t give us the damn key if we didn’t—now _that_ didn’t have backstory. But this time we spent like _four_ days annoying the shit out of each other before we did anything.” 

“You mean before you jumped me, out of sheer weakness against your basest primal needs.” 

“Same difference.” 

“I hate that phrase,” Hijikata muttered in a warning tone. “You know I hate that phrase.” 

“Which is exactly why I say it, dumbass.” 

Hijikata’s left eye twitched. “You think they’re still recording? Because I swear to god, I’ll make a show of beating _your_ dumb ass for trying to be smart.” 

“Sorry, _babe,_ but I think your ass is done with beating for the day. I didn’t go easy on you.” 

“Oh really? I didn’t notice.” 

Gintoki scowled and pulled away to swing his legs over the edge of the bed. He heaved himself up and stretched obnoxiously. 

“I’m broke again,” he said, yawning.

Nearly a minute passed in silence. 

_"And?"_

“And,” Gintoki replied, unaffected, “I really do need a decent bonus this year.” 

“What are you trying to get at?” 

“You know what I mean.” Gintoki grabbed Hijikata’s underwear from the floor and took a sniff. Musk potent as ever. Gintoki put them on. “You said it yourself, the producers want their sex and their drama too.” 

“You hate drama.” 

“Yes, very much. But it’s my whole thing that I’ll do anything for cash.”

“Right.” 

“ _Right_ ,” Gintoki mocked. 

Hijikata sat up, watching as Gintoki tracked down the rest of his clothing. “Toss me my stuff, would you?” 

Gintoki grunted and looked around. He picked up his own underwear and threw it in Hijikata’s face.

“Disgusting,” Hijikata said, moving them carefully away like they were hazardous. Hell, they might be. “So, drama. What did you have in mind?” 

Gintoki, finally dressed, combed his fingers through his hair. “It sucks, but I don’t think there’s any way around it…” 

“Around what?” 

Gintoki let out a giant sigh and frowned. “Ugh. It’s just, you know, on cable, they take this shit more seriously.” 

“Take _what_ seriously?”

 _“Romance!”_ Gintoki hissed. He shivered with sudden, overwhelming repulsion.

Hijikata began to gag. 


End file.
